At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
