like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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