Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
