found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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