a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
