And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
