Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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