every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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