if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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