I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
