I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
