Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize