Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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