you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
