Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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