I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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