I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
