He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
