I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize