I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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