My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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