dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He passed out mid-signature
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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