i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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