You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
