Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
