No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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