...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
