the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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