i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I know her cup size but not her name....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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