That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dignity is for republicans.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
