I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize