is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
