But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize