No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
