I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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