I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
