im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
