i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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