the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
