Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize