I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
