You just made me feel so damn special
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
