bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
