I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Farmville is her only friend.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you never un-have a 4some
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
