i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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