I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
