The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
