This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize