moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
