I faked an abortion last night.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
