Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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