I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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