found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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