it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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