no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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