Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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