I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
