finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
