Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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