I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
