just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
its liver damage thursday
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize