seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
