I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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