that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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