this boner is exhausting
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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