U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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