You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
