I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize