Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
