You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
