Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Randomize
