I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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