I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
