pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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