sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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