the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
