just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
