i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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