somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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