i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
organizing the empties. That sober.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
