it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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