We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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