So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
