Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
