Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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